The end ... and the ones that never made it

I know my blog ended rather abruptly, and well that's just life, it can all change or end in an instant. Truth be told the last couple of months have been some of the hardest of my life, so much has happened that I am sure you will be challenged to find an average person who has had as much happen in a short time frame. I am not one to willow in my own self pity, and as the champion of change and the queen of pick yourself on and move forward sometimes even I struggle with one foot in front of the other. But I have done that, I have soldiered through, and I am working on healing me.

While there are somethings I simply wont discuss, there are others I am more open about and there are some I may still feel a bit apprehensive about until I myself am used to it.

My lack of posting on my blog began with a photo shoot that ended in sheer frustration for me, followed by another ... only to be discovered was more camera fault (although I am sure there was a fair amount of photographer error in there too), so I put my camera away, Totally frustrated I was sulking with my camera and decided I needed a bit of space away from it, it was at the same time life started in it's spiral ... so my mojo went walkies too!

Once life started to spiral it just continued like a never ending mega tornado, trapped in the eye while chaos loomed all around with no escape. Following shortly after the first and notably difficult but necessary blow was the sudden collapse and subsequent death of my very dear and close friend, Suzanne, who my previous blog was dedicated too. I was left devastated ... shattered, and grappling to keep the pieces together, trying to do my best to do good by her but failing everyone in the process ... I walked away broken from the whole experience!

Not long there after news came that my Father in Law was not well and the prognosis was not good, and it was not long until the heartbreaking news came my way, he too had gained his wings. In Rachel's words "God sure needs a lot of Angels right now". Maybe Sam and I didn't always see eye to eye, we were both very stubborn personalities, but he was apart of my life for 18years. And another blow to an already fragile soul. Still think about Dad often, and at least my last memories were good ones of a magical holiday showing him our corner of the world. R.I.P. Dad

 

The turmoil didn't just end there, there was the consideration of a precious life, troubled and lost but that road is ongoing and lifelong.

So it was somewhere in the tornado that I just decided I can't do the blog anymore so the "closed" sign was enforced. And I stand by that, this is not an attempt to revive it ...perhaps it should read "this property is condemned" ... LoL .... while cleaning up my hard drive and sorting out some files I gazed through my folder named "blog pics" and saw several that NEVER MADE IT to the blog for what ever reason. Some were because I feel they simply weren't good enough and others, well, I was struggling with "I am grateful for ..." when all I wanted to do was hide under my covers ... but since I have shared so much already why not share the good the bad and the ugly, got nothing to loose!

So here goes ...

Sunrise from Paritutu Rock. I climbed the rock before sunrise and photographed the sun rising from on top of New Plymouth, what a magical sight, and I would do it again in a heartbeat, but maybe not in the heart of winter :-) This is the moment I realised my camera was not playing the game ... damn near could have thrown the thing from the rock!

This next one was me playing around one night, Rachel was having a sleep over for her 8th birthday, so in attempt to keep my sanity in a house full of 7 x 8yr old girls (who only fell asleep at 1am I might add) I gave them glow sticks, whipped out my camera and experimented with making patterns. this was my favourite

next up are just because, taken for a reason at the time but now lack purpose except I think they are nice to look at. Actually I know the story I had planned for each one, the vision as it were.

After a rather lengthy leave of absence from my camera I finally picked it up again, an attempt to reclaim my mojo ... this was the product of my attempt

Still not happy I put it away again, randomly forcing myself to pick it up occasionally. Still I feel I have not hit the mark with it again ... yet.

So now I sit here and the tornado appears to have passed, the skies clear every now and again, and I am beginning to smile again. Sure there is still the wake of devastation left in the path but that needs time. I am starting find inner peace again, I am thinking clearly again ... actually just great to be able to think again.
So the last few months have left me feeling like this:

Let the stormy seas crash all around me, I will stand strong! and will emerge and my beacon will shine, because life has purpose.

And yes life is always going to keep on changing ... that is the only thing that doesn't change ... Remember We cannot change the direction of the Wind, But we can always adjust our sails…

And so there it is, no loose endings, no abrupt closed, the ones that never made it have now made it and this chapter is now closed. As I embark on a new chapter of my life, I am excited and ready for happiness!

So to all far and wide who have been reading and following thank you maybe our paths cross again in a new chapter.

xoxo

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." - Albert Schweitzer

 

My dear Suzanne

Trust you could get me to write on my "Blog Closed" !!

This last week has been an absolute whirlwind, like a freight train coming at me and so many I love leaving a wake of devastation and I am totally powerless to stop it.

You were never one to give all the answers, instead you challenged me to seek my own, you offered a different level of understanding to a situation. You never judged! You were always there, checking in everyday if I wasn't well or feeling glum, offering tea and coffee or a wine, with some special Suzanne home baking, and you always had you hummus for me. Now I need you, I need the crazy arrival through the excited dogs, I need to sit at the kitchen counter with Suzanne tea and I need to talk while you challenge me to seek clarity on how this all happened ... and how it snowballed so quickly!

I miss you so much already, and while I know you don't like people moping around about you, but this is our process and you would understand that. You have touched my life in the most beautiful way, in a short time we developed a bond of steel, shared so much, laughed, cried and danced.

I have made you promises and I will try my best to live by those, hold dear and show you the value of what you have helped me learn.

You were so many things, strong, caring, loving, beautiful, ... the list is endless ... but more than anything you were my friend, a true friend! I AM GRATEFUL FOR HAVING YOU AS MY FRIEND if only for a while, you will forever remain my friend in my heart ♥
(you were one of the my biggest fans of "I am grateful for" so this seemed most fitting)

I promised you I would look after Zoe, I will take care of her ... I will!

Zoe: You have your Mum's heart of gold, which is why our bond is so unique and so special, I will stand by you. You are truly an amazing soul, you have the most beautiful talent, not only in music but within your spirit. Never loose your Zoe'ness!!! Your Mum has been and always will be your #1 Champion, but I am a close second :-)
You have a world of people with you, and in time everything will be fine, and you will shine!
And Zoe if there is one song of yours that I think is all encompassing of you this would be it

ps: Suzanne you never did get around to showing me how to make hummus!

Important Notice ...

I am grateful for ...

And here I go again starting another blog with "long overdue" ... just life I guess, it is all about priorities, and quiet time in front of the laptop while semi-conscious and creative are ... well ... not No1 on the list, how sad sometimes, however it is high on that list.

Without too much more delay ..

This week I am showing the many faces of Mt Taranaki, this majestic giant that lies in my backyard is so fascinating to me.

(Mt Taranaki from the street I live on)

I love it's history, not just the Maori legend, but the actual history of it forming. The true appreciation for land formations and the earths activities deep below our feet can hugely be accredited to my Geography teacher, he ignited an interest to the point of taking a failing student and converting me to a higher grade top results learner. Those kind of teachers don't come around every day!

(Mt Taranaki crater from my Heliview trip)

Not only is this the worlds most symmetrical cone volcano it is also unique in that at least 5 of it's major eruptions has been cause from cone collapse.

(Cloud cap on Mt Taranaki)

Puke Ariki, our local museum, has this little graphical video of the timeline, I so enjoy watching it, it shows this eruption, animated smoke ... quite sweet and so none threatening :-) unlike the reality I am sure, then in a cloud of animated dust it's gone, and so this short animated video goes.

(Spring beauty that is Mt Taranaki)

What makes our majestic giant even more extraordinary is that very few volcanoes have undergone more than 1 cone collapse.

(The day the wind blew a blanket of cloud right over Mt Taranaki ... wind speed approx 120km/hr)

I realise that maybe not everyone has such an interest in history or geography so without rambling on too much more (because I can, I am trying to give you the brief summary and not the Heidi version) let me get to where I am heading with this grateful posting ...

(The Majestic Giant can be seen from miles away)

See our Majestic Giant that is Mt Taranaki standing so perfectly symmetrical, so tall, so strong, so proud. He makes he presence known, felt and seen from far! But this mountain has fallen time and time again ... each time rising back, picking itself up and now standing taller than ever. There are no guarantee's he will not fall again, but that does not stop him from from being what he is today!

(Sunset on Mt Taranaki)

I have always maintained that people can learn so much from nature, close friends will know all about my little quirky "lessons from the wild" ... and Mt Taranaki sure has a beautiful lesson for us all. Sometimes we get knocked down, feel defeated and sink to the bottom ... but we can not only get up, and stand tall, but stand taller! Light the fire with in yourself that drives the passion in your soul.

(My favourite pic ... the most spectacular sunset I have ever seen, not every day you get to see a purple volcano!)

I AM GRATEFUL FOR ... ME :-)
I may have been knocked down, defeated and kissed the bottom, but I stand here and I stand taller!

(another random Mt Taranaki fact: it was the setting for the movie The Last Samurai

I am grateful for .... green eggs and ham

This blog is inspired by a couple of things, it started with a blog a friend of mine wrote about her daughter called gifted girl about raising a child that is just different, somewhat out of the box. Same friend popped over on Saturday and bought me some eggs her chooks had laid ... mmm ... fresh eggs :-) and there were a couple of "Easter eggs" among them, for those who don't know eggs don't just come in egg colour ... don't worry it was news to me too. So all this had my gears in my head turning.

I have been called unconventional, quirky, nuts and crazy enough times to know I think somewhat differently from others, I wish people would understand I am ok with that :-) I like that I am able to see things differently, and that I think pink flying elephants is perfectly acceptable. And I even love that at the age of 34 I like to believe in fairy magic, and when we see the sunrise I can marvel with my children how the unicorns have coloured the sky (and apart of me can see it). It makes the world a beautiful place to be in. Why would I want to be the same, oh how boring life would be. I most certainly would hate to be trained to think and exist in a box.

So before you are hard on someone who doesn't fit inside the box maybe you should rather envy the view from outside the box.

Why not be the green Easter egg among the plain eggs! I am so very grateful I can look at things differently ... I am grateful for green eggs and ham!!

"I am lucky to be what I am!Thank goodness I’m not just a clam or a ham Or a dusty old jar of sour gooseberry jam! I am what I am! That’s a great thing to be! If I say so myself," - Dr Seuss

Team up mobile challenge ... Close up

Playing catch up :-) And good going even if I do say so myself, this has been one unexpected week! And for all you naturally pessimistic people out there "unexpected" doesn't always mean it is a bad thing, good things also happen unexpectedly, and even if it doesn't go according to plan, doesn't mean it didn't go better than planned :-) ... LoL ... it's a glass half full or half empty thing, a matter of perception. Anyway that has nothing to do with CLOSE UP

Superhero chose the topic, I warned him, I remember doing this one with my sister and it was challenging enough with zoom lens. With a phone ... eish!!!! (to non SAFFERs that means eish ...LoL) Anyway I never shy away from a challenge so off we went to get into people and things personal space ... yeee-haaa

So Superhero first, I am naughty and did this to his pic:

What is it? it looks like roots of something don't you think?
Well I have turned the pic upside down so it is not upwards growing roots. Ok ok stop twisting your head like a geek to look at the pic properly this is his pic for the topic close up:

He really had me with this, looks like some sort of sprout vegetables or something, maybe something I put in my salad or you feed a bunny ... this is what it really is:

That is one interesting plant, very pretty ... close up can really change your perspective on something. Good job old chap ... nice one :-) I know you say you will never choose this topic again but bet you look back now and think you actually enjoyed it!

Ok here is my take on it:

This is our fireplace, no zoom lens ... nope ... this is CLOSE UP ... charred knuckles, singed eyebrows and all :-)

No-one will approve of my next pic, but hey, I like controversy :-) here is another version of close up:

This is Pepper ... at first glance he looks like a ghost cat, then you look again at you think you looking through frosted glass, but if you look CLOSE UP you will see it is rain on the window ... yes I am that evil that I left the cat in the rain and then took photo's of it from my nice dry warm lounge (while crouching in front of the fire place)

Please note: Pepper was not harmed in the making of this blog :-)

I am grateful for ...

One can never consent to creep, when one feels the impulse to soar ...
- Helen Keller

This is one of my all time favourite inspirational quotes! And today and this week I will be drawing on it (not with a crayon, but for inspiration)

The last few weeks have been trying to say the least, I have been sick and then Leah had a turn, never nice when ones littlies are not well! That, though, I can deal with. But more than that I have been having a "situation" which has been pulling me down, Friday was "the straw that broke the camels back"!!! There just comes a time when you need to step back and assess a situation and weigh up what you put in and what you get out and what it drains out of you and then ask is it worth it?

So yet again I am sitting on the eve of another biggie for me, once again I feel like I am standing on the cliffs edge about to take a leap of faith ... jump high ... jump far ... then spread your wings :-)

So with the future uncertain, and change being the only constant in my life I will yet again do the only thing I know, embrace it, go with it, see where it takes me. And at times like this there is one thing I am absolutely without a doubt grateful for, and that is I am not threatened by change, I almost think I thrive on it!

You may ask why the picture of a Pukeko, why not and eagle or an albatross ... well for a number of reasons, firstly Pukeko's are one of my favourite birds, and it is my blog so why not. Secondly I don't have a photo of an eagle or albatross but will put it on my bucket list somewhere after the blue thunder and northern lights, and thirdly I geniusly left my camera in my office with my external hardrive and there this is the only picture I have :-)